Self-Control

NATE DEMI • OCTOBER 7, 2024

Why do I do what I don’t want to do?

Maybe in some cases this question should be, why do I want to do what I know I shouldn’t? This is primarily a question that relates to self-control and our ability (or rather inability) to gain mastery over the sins that we commit as believers, either through means of omission or commission. To answer this question, I would like to break it into three main points: 1) What is self-control? 2) Why do I sin? 3) How can I practice self-control on a daily basis?

In Paul’s letter to the Galatians, he lists the fruits of the Spirit, among them is “self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23). At first glance self-control may seem to be something that is inherently derived from the flesh since “self” seems to give credence to the idea of an independent force that is often elevated in our modern minds. Although self-control a good translation, it would give the reader clarity to also evaluate the KJV translation which uses the word “temperance.” This is derived from the Greek word egkrateia which is rooted from the word egkrates which means; to be strong in a thing, temperate, or self-controlled in relation to appetite and continence. Furthermore, the definition of temperance is to have moderation in action, thought, or feeling. These qualities are what collectively constitutes self-control. Though it is possible to strive for these traits by our own power, we will ultimately fail if faith in our ability supersedes our faith and reliance upon God (Proverbs 16:18). This brings us to our second point: Why do we sin?

There is a reason Paul calls it the “fruit of the Spirit”, and not the fruit of the flesh. By the grace of God and through the sacrifice of our savior, the Holy Spirit is gifted to us by God who then bestows upon us the fruits (or gifts) of the Spirit (John 3:34, 4:14, Acts 11:17, 1 Corinthians 2:12, Luke 11:13). These fruits are not something that we can attain by ourselves, and while we will never be perfect on this side of eternity the sooner we realize this truth the sooner we can start to live in progressive freedom from sin. Specifically, among all the gifts of the spirit, self-control is most closely related to sin. Often when we sin, it is likely that we have failed to practice one or more of the qualities of self-control. This does not mean, however, that we don’t have the Holy Spirit within us, it simply means that we have chosen to give in to our sinful nature.

This sinful nature can be traced all the way back to the beginning when Adam and Eve chose to eat of the forbidden fruit. Their sin was not a product of a fallen world, for the world was perfect until their decision was made. Their sin came about when they realized that they had a choice (see Romans 7:7-12). Sin seized an opportunity through the command which the Lord had given them. Paul states that “I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died” (Romans 7:9). Sin is possible because God gives us free will to make our own decisions. If we did not have free will then we would not need the law because we would operate exactly as was intended without failure. (I would like to note that whole books have been written on this subject. It is much more complicated and in depth than laid out here. Waking the Dead by John Eldredge is a resource that I would highly recommend).

So how do we practice self-control while operating in the free will that the Lord has given us? How do we fight those desires that seem to be overwhelming and impossible to overcome? The answer is by having a heart that is surrendered to God. “But just as surely as our wrongs are what brought us to despair, so our surrender to God and others in our wrongs will open the doorway to that great release and transformation that await us… He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Sexaholics Anonymous). The greatest strength that we can obtain in the face of temptation is to surrender ourselves to God. By realizing and confessing that we are powerless on our own to overcome sin without God, we are opening the door for his grace and mercy to intercede for us through the Holy Spirit. God loves when we offer him our weaknesses. “The awareness of our inadequacy will help us to realize our dependency, our dependency on God teaches us of our reliability on him” (Dr. Josh Smith, Prince Avenue Baptist Church).

Surrender is not a one time event. Rather, it is a lifestyle that must be lived out week by week, day by day, and hour by hour (Psalm 3:6, Luke 9:23-24). Just remember that you will never be perfect, and that God’s grace abounds always. To end I will leave you with some practical steps that you can take to practice living in self-control. Some of these may seem generic, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t important:

Surrender – Start the day with a prayer of submission to God. Surrender not only the good but the bad as well. Invite God into your heart and ask him to renew you both spiritually, mentally, and physically (Psalm 139:23-34). Ask him for the self-control that you need at any moment, and he will help you.
Practice Discipline – Every year I fast from something. I don’t write this to boast about myself, rather I write it to admit that I am not good at self-control, so I therefore have to force myself to practice it. This doesn’t have to be a yearlong commitment though. Simply practicing saying no to something (even something that is not inherently bad) once each day can help to build resilience that can then be applied to other areas of your life. Keep in mind that if you’re not willing to say no to something then it may a problem. (Proverbs 4:23-27).
Confess – God has given us the amazing tool of fellowship and community to help overcome sin. Confess the sins that you have committed to God and to others, also confess the sins that you feel like you may commit in the future. Getting our sinful desires into the light is what stops them dead in their tracks (James 5:16, 1 John 1:9).
Remember Gods Promise – “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). You always have a choice, regardless of what your vice is. When it seems hopeless remember that Jesus overcame. He is actively interceding for you, and he wants to help you.